♔ Ashℒi Kathℒeen ♔

2012-02-13T00:21:00.001-08:00

How to Store Vegetables Without Plastic
So you’ve got all these great fruits and vegetables and now we’re going to help you keep them at their freshest with these tips. These tips are from the Berkley Farmer’s Market which is a Zero Waste market! Here is a printable PDF of their original tip sheet. In the works here at Washington’s Green Grocer is a switch from plastic bags (although we use as few as we can get away with, while still keeping your produce from getting battered on it’s way to you) to only recyclable paper and reuseable cloth bags!
How to Store Vegetables without Plastic
Artichokes‐ place in an airtight container sealed, with light moisture.
Asparagus‐ place them loosely in a glass or bowl upright with water at room temperature. (Will keep for a week outside the fridge)
Avocados‐ place in a paper bag at room temp. To speed up their ripening‐ place an apple in the bag with them.
Arugula‐ arugula, like lettuce, should not stay wet! Dunk in cold water and spin or lay flat to dry. Place dry arugula in an open container, wrapped with a dry towel to absorb any extra moisture.
Basil‐ is difficult to store well. Basil does not like the cold, or to be wet for that matter. The best method here is an airtight container/jar loosely packed with a small damp piece of paper inside‐left out on a cool counter.
Beans, shelling‐ open container in the fridge, eat ASAP. Some recommend freezing them if not going to eat right away
Beets‐ cut the tops off to keep beets firm, (be sure to keep the greens!)by leaving any top on root vegetables draws moisture from the root, making them loose flavor and firmness. Beets should be washed and kept in and open container with a wet towel on top.
Beet greens‐ place in an airtight container with a little moisture.
Broccoli‐ place in an open container in the fridge or wrap in a damp towel before placing in the fridge.
Broccoli Rabe‐ left in an open container in the crisper, but best used as soon as possible.
Brussels Sprouts‐ If bought on the stalk leave them on that stalk. Put the stalk in the fridge or leave it on a cold place. If they’re bought loose store them in an open container with a damp towel on top.
Cabbage‐ left out on a cool counter is fine up to a week, in the crisper otherwise. Peel off outer leaves if they start to wilt. Cabbage might begin to loose its moisture after a week , so, best used as soon as possible.
Carrots‐ cut the tops off to keep them fresh longer. Place them in closed container with plenty of moisture, either wrapped in a damp towel or dunk them in cold water every couple of days if they’re stored that long.
Cauliflower‐ will last a while in a closed container in the fridge, but they say cauliflower has the best flavor the day it’s bought.
Celery‐ does best when simply places in a cup or bowl of shallow water on the counter.
Celery root/Celeriac‐ wrap the root in a damp towel and place in the crisper.
Corn‐ leave unhusked in an open container if you must, but corn really is best eaten sooner then later for maximum flavor.
Cucumber‐ wrapped in a moist towel in the fridge. If you’re planning on eating them within a day or two after buying them they should be fine left out in a cool room.
Eggplant‐ does fine left out in a cool room. Don’t wash it, eggplant doesn’t like any extra moisture around its leaves. For longer storage‐ place loose, in the crisper.
Fava beans‐ place in an air tight container.
Fennel‐ if used within a couple days after it’s bought fennel can be left out on the counter, upright in a cup or bowl of water (like celery). If wanting to keep longer than a few days place in the fridge in a closed container with a little water.
Garlic‐ store in a cool, dark, place.
Green garlic‐an airtight container in the fridge or left out for a day or two is fine, best before dried out.
Greens‐ remove any bands, twist ties, etc. most greens must be kept in an air‐tight container with a damp cloth‐ to keep them from drying out. Kale, collards, and chard even do well in a cup of water on the counter or fridge.
Green beans‐ they like humidity, but not wetness. A damp cloth draped over an open or loosely closed container.
Green Tomatoes‐ store in a cool room away from the sun to keep them green and use quickly or they will begin to color.
Herbs- a closed container in the fridge to kept up to a week. Any longer might encourage mold.
Lettuce‐ keep damp in an airtight container in the fridge.
Leeks‐leave in an open container in the crisper wrapped in a damp cloth or in a shallow cup of water on the counter (just so the very bottom of the stem has water).
Okra‐ doesn’t like humidity. So a dry towel in an airtight container. Doesn’t store that well, best eaten quickly after purchase
Onion‐ store in a cool, dark and dry, place‐ good air circulation is best, so don’t stack them.
Parsnips‐an open container in the crisper, or, like a carrot, wrapped in a damp cloth in the fridge.
Potatoes‐ (like garlic and onions) store in cool, dark and dry place, such as, a box in a dark corner of the pantry; a paper bag also works well.
Radicchio‐ place in the fridge in an open container with a damp cloth on top.
Radishes‐ remove the greens (store separately) so they don’t draw out excess moisture from the roots and place them in a open container in the fridge with a wet towel placed on top.
Rhubarb‐wrap in a damp towel and place in an open container in the refrigerator.
Rutabagas‐ in an ideal situation a cool, dark, humid root cellar or a closed container in the crisper to keep their moisture in.
Snap peas‐ refrigerate in an open container
Spinach‐ store loose in an open container in the crisper, cool as soon as possible. Spinach loves to stay cold.
Spring onions‐ Remove any band or tie and place in the crisper.
Summer Squash‐ does fine for a few days if left out on a cool counter, even after cut.
Sweet peppers‐ Only wash them right before you plan on eating them as wetness decreases storage time. Store in a cool room to use in a couple a days, place in the crisper if longer storage needed.
Sweet Potatoes‐ Store in a cool, dark, well‐ventilated place. Never refrigerate‐‐sweet potatoes don’t like the cold.
Tomatoes‐ Never refrigerate. Depending on ripeness, tomatoes can stay for up to two weeks on the counter. To hasten ripeness place in a paper bag with an apple.
Turnips‐ remove the greens (store separately) same as radishes and beets, store them in an open container with a moist cloth.
Winter squash‐store in a cool, dark, well ventilated place. Many growers say winter squashes get sweeter if they’re stored for a week or so before eaten.
Zucchini‐ does fine for a few days if left out on a cool counter, even after cut. Wrap in a cloth and refrigerate for longer storage.

2012-02-11T14:51:00.000-08:00

2012-02-10T23:11:00.001-08:00

Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you? …I always wonder about that. If people could see me the way I see myself—if they could live in my memories—would anyone, anyone, love me?
-John Green

2012-02-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

gratitude turns what we have into enough.

over and over and over and over. say it.

no more crying.
no more self pity bullshit.
just stop.

you are SO blessed in so many ways.
stop the crying and the hurting.

2012-02-05T23:13:00.001-08:00

even on my weakest day.

2012-02-04T13:01:00.001-08:00

i dream of you every night.

2012-02-03T18:32:00.000-08:00

2012-01-31T19:36:00.001-08:00

For those who use Facebook as a forum to talk about how shitty other people are.

2012-01-27T00:34:00.000-08:00

"i'm surprised. what about facebook ever led you to believe it would make people more interesting? it just smears the poop around quicker. i personally don't see the difference between your posts and everyone else's. you think others would be interested in seeing/hearing/reading it, and so do the rest. it's just sharing, man. if you don't like it, don't log in as much. these 'people' you are referring to are your friends, or at least they are under that impression. perhaps you could let them in on the fact that they're so horribly boring/lame/uncool by telling them directly. they might appreciate the heads up. or, to state the obvious, unfriend so you don't have to be plagued by their inexcusably mundane interests."

Beauty.

2012-01-24T21:42:00.001-08:00

2012-01-22T22:39:00.001-08:00

2012-01-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

today i could go for a cigarette, a glass of wine, some really warm clothes, and a good cry.

2012-01-08T09:29:00.001-08:00

I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held. Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tired of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do.
Celia Bown

2012-01-08T09:27:00.001-08:00

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that that situation is over, you cannot move forward.
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Seeya In a few Maui

2012-01-07T17:06:00.001-08:00

It's True!

2012-01-07T17:02:00.001-08:00

2012-01-03T16:16:00.001-08:00

ouch.

fucking heart hurts.

why can't this be a bit easier?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,...

2012-01-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

I suppose I could do some homework.

Right after I watch American Horror Story, 3 Modern Family episodes, and read a few chapters of my book.

Tomorrow. I will do it,...tomorrow.

2012-01-01T14:43:00.001-08:00

2011-12-29T20:24:00.001-08:00

2011-12-19T23:17:00.001-08:00

Every day – your job, the government, your addiction, your depression, your money – you feel like you can’t control the forces affecting your fate. So, you stage microrevolts. You customize your ringtone, you paint your room, you collect stamps. You choose.

Choices, even small ones, can hold back the crushing weight of helplessness, but you can’t stop there. You must fight back your behavior and learn to fail with pride. Failing often is the only way to ever get the things you want out of life. Besides death, your destiny is not inescapable.

You are not so smart, but you are smarter than dogs and rats. Don’t give in yet.

2011-12-05T23:13:00.001-08:00

I don't even recognize myself anymore.

I look at pictures of me smiling, and they seem like a million years ago. I see pictures of me with friends, and I can't remember what that was like.

I don't feel real anymore.

2011-12-04T14:05:00.001-08:00

Purple Accent by ashlikathleen featuring clutch hand bags

Been having trouble with this lately.

2011-11-26T22:13:00.000-08:00

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
-Gandhi

2011-11-26T21:53:00.001-08:00

Sigh.

2011-11-16T18:40:00.000-08:00

Where can I get me one of these?

2011-11-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

"You know what, it's her fault she got hurt. She should've expected it from you. You're a fun guy okay? Everybody likes you. Every time we go out I have a blast.
Alright? But everybody who knows you, knows that you're gonna do what you wanna do. And if it's not what the other person wants to do, well it's their problem...We always do what you wanna do, and she always did what you wanted to do. It's who you are. Everybody thinks that you're their friend, okay, but the fact of the matter is, there's not one person that you let close enough to you to let them hurt you. And her big problem is, that you really liked her. I mean, she is the one girl you really liked. And no matter what she did, or how hard she tried - you were never going to let your guard down.
That poor girl never stood a chance."

May my heart overcome my appetite. (NSFW, Graphic Photos)

2011-11-13T10:45:00.000-08:00

I'm saving these here to remind myself why I don't want to eat meat. The images are disturbing at times. But it is reality, and I don't want to pretend to be ignorant to it anymore. I will no longer buy and eat meat. I will no longer support zoos or captivity of wild animals. I will also respect other peoples right to choose their opinion on the subjects, and I will not push my opinion onto them.

t’s the race that stops a nation today in Australia but for those animal lovers perhaps take a thought for the horses that don’t make the grade. Over 18,000 racehorses are sent to slaughter each year from the Australian industry. Seventy percent of horses bred won’t even make their first race and end up filling cans of dog food.

In a bizarre PR stunt for Mason Dixon Farm, a woman won the chance to “live the life of a dairy cow for a day” as part of their “V.I.P. Dairy Farm Experience.”
Mason Dixon claims their cows are treated so well that they invite people to spend a day on their farm living like one. Winner Carol Yemola from Gettysburg seemed to have a great time. It sounds like Carol was treated to a manicure/pedicure and fed giant catered meals because Mason Dixon claims this is how their cows are treated. After the event Yemola told press, the cows “looked so happy and content.” Luckily Carol wasn’t actually given the same treatment a typical cow receives, that would have been criminal.
Dairy cows are forcibly impregnated so that they produce offspring for the meat and dairy industries but also so that they continuously lactate. A typical dairy cow is chained, confined, and hooked to painful mechanical milking machines 305 days a year. Cows are forced to produce 100 pounds of milk a day, 10 times more than they would naturally produce. The real life of a dairy cowis far more terrifying then Mason Dixon leads contest winners and the public to believe.
Offering people the chance to “live like a cow for a day” is insulting to the cows who suffer on dairy farms. I can assure you, it’s not all manicures and catered meals. As frustrating as deceptive PR stunts like this can be, it does mean that the industry is scared of the truth and is having to stoop to new lows to try and fool people.

Not even gonna lie,..

2011-11-13T08:34:00.001-08:00

Read this, and cried. Found on a blog.

This made me smile and cry all at the same time. Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words: Dear God, Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her. Love, Meredith We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had. Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ‘To Meredith’ in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ‘When a Pet Dies.’ Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note: Dear Meredith, Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don’t need our bodies in heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by. Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I’m easy to find, I am wherever there is love. Love, God…

Neat.

2011-11-13T08:28:00.001-08:00

Mustard

2011-11-11T20:19:00.001-08:00

Mustard by ashlikathleen featuring antique gold jewelry

Rustic Fall

2011-11-11T17:10:00.001-08:00

Rustic Fall by ashlikathleen featuring jeffrey campbell boots

2011-11-11T14:17:00.001-08:00

Just spent an hour putting together a new set, only to have it be erased. So. Mad.

Two Looks, One Dress

2011-11-11T12:39:00.001-08:00

I recently bought this dress at H&M on a trip to Edmonton. I have yet to wear it, but it's nice to see that even with such a unique design, it's still versatile.

Two Looks, One Dress by ashlikathleen featuring a zipper dress

November 11, 2011

2011-11-11T10:20:00.001-08:00

November 11, 2011 by ashlikathleen featuring slim fit pants

November 10th Style

2011-11-11T09:39:00.001-08:00

November 10, 2011 by ashlikathleen featuring black slim jeans

2011-11-02T00:47:00.000-07:00

Things are so fuckin' surreal right now.

I don't know how I am going to get through this. I really don't.

You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.

Elizabeth Taylor

2011-10-31T22:59:00.001-07:00

"This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won’t feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can’t feel real joy unless you’ve felt heartache. You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can’t know what it’s like to feel holy until you know what it’s like to feel really fucking evil. And you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died."

If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You by Kelly Cutrone

2011-10-26T13:58:00.001-07:00

Workin' on my costume.

As much as I love my blonde hair, I am thinking I need to go red for a bit, just so I can pull it off properly.

Watch, another year no one knows who I am. Hahaha!

2011-10-24T23:39:00.001-07:00

2011-10-19T20:06:00.001-07:00

2011-10-18T21:06:00.001-07:00

Do the things you used to talk about doing but never did. Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. Stop rushing. Don’t be intimidated to say it like it is. Stop apologizing all the time. Learn to say no, so your yes has some oomph. Spend time with the friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones who bring you down. Stop giving your power away. Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. Finally know who you are.

2011-10-18T20:32:00.001-07:00

The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.

— The History Boys

2011-10-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

i don't want to live on this planet anymore. i give up on people.

2011-10-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

at what point do i need to stop letting him lie to me?
it just never seems to sink in.

i think at this point it's not even his fault anymore.

it's mine for letting him disrespect me over and over.

it's hard because i don't think he does it on purpose.

but should that make it any less harmful?

2011-10-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

I'm re-watching Californication.

Love the series. But I've noticed when men start watching it, they idolize Hank, and try to emulate him. Attractive on HBO, but, really off-putting in the real world. David Duchovny can pull it off - because in real life, he is an actual sex addict. He fits the part. He IS the part.
But dear men, you are not him. You will not be him. You do not have the team of writers, nor do you possess the abs, or the porsche, or the ability to wittily banter my clothing off. Or anyone's clothes off, for that matter.

Leave it to the professionals.
And PS. Not every woman has picture perfect boobs, an amazing figure, or will slip into bed with you after a couple smooth lines.
That being said. I do love me some Hank.

yep.

2011-10-10T18:17:00.001-07:00

2011-10-04T18:44:00.001-07:00

i'm missing half my collection of books, and i think they've been left in the rain, in the back of my truck for the past 6 months.
my heart is saaaaad.

italy, savannah, france. i will, i will.

2011-10-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

things my life needs:

-more wine parties.

-more friends.

-more home made dinners

-more boyfriend

-more skype

-more runs in the morning with my dogs

-more cat cuddles

-more clarity

-more yoga

-more books

2011-10-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

everyone my age is welcoming beautiful little ones into the world. i'm so happy for them.

but i would be lying if i said part of me wasn't really sad because i know i'm so far behind where they all are in their lives. and realistically - all the neat stuff like marriage, and babies won't happen for a very long time.

2011-10-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

don't mind the nudity.

i just enjoy the hair immensely.

2011-09-30T20:15:00.001-07:00

how i feeeeeeeel.

I am a lot happier lately.

2011-09-22T23:13:00.000-07:00

even though i bitch a lot of the internet, i am a lot happier lately. i think bitching has just become my way of communicating. sad.
oh well! off to reddit until 4 am.

2011-09-19T20:22:00.001-07:00

That being said, here I go to be a medical assistant!

2011-09-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

i'm on the verge of a panic attack. please make it here safe. please, soon! i'm worried out of my mind. driving 8 hours after an 8 hour day of work was a silly idea. ughh. i'm about to go on the lookout.

please just be here soon so i don't feel like i'm about to throw up.

2011-09-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

what a depressing turn of events. won a limo ride, but couldn't get anyone to come out to rayleigh to take it out on the town with me! haha ohhh well. probably shouldn't be going out when i can't even afford to get my car fixed anyways.
still, nice to win something!

2011-09-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

i don't really know how i turned into this bitter, complainy person. i mean, i guess i do. you get knocked down enough by life and you start to hate everything. but, it's not who i want to be. so,..i'm going to try harder to be the real me. the one who isn't so bitchy and bitter.

2011-09-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

so sunny! perfect day for a hike with the pup in the morning, and a run by the river at night. love my girl.

2011-08-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

it's so hard to feel like life will get better when you are alone and each day just drags and drags. i'm sure once school starts it will get better. i will be busy and i won't have all day to focus on how awful it feels to watch any future that was planned slip away because one or both of us didn't try hard enough to keep things together. i'm not going to blame anything on anyone. or say it was one persons fault.
my frustration turned to anger, and it turned me into something i'm not proud of in the past few months. and his laziness and unwillingness to grow up took its toll, finally.

i don't really know where to go from here. i wish i was numb, or i had it in me to go out and party and forget about everything. it seems to be working for him.

he's better off without me.
i think i would be too.

2011-08-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

“The erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one you’re actually living in. It’s a flaw in the romantic imagination for people that find it difficult to cope with the present.”

2011-08-25T17:40:00.001-07:00

blaaahhhhhh. netflix you are ma frand.

2011-08-21T20:28:00.001-07:00

i feel like driving off a cliff right now.

2011-08-21T16:41:00.001-07:00

Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition. Calling him doesn't make it better.. it only pulls you back into the cycle of heartbreak.
He is the past. You are the future.

As much as it sucks, you need to FORCE yourself to remember your very worst times together, ..his most irritating habits and the hard truth that not only can he live without you.. but he'd rather.

2011-08-21T09:40:00.001-07:00

AGGGHHHHHH. So close to going to the hospital again.

Hurts.

So.

Bad.

2011-08-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

somebody just fucking shoot me already.

it just never gets better. and i can't keep trying to stand up after everything keeps knocking me down.

i'm tired.

2011-08-14T19:50:00.001-07:00

After going through 2 HD's, One Macbook, and now - looking like a Macbook Pro. I was starting to wonder if I am jinxed with Apple products. All of them have gone haywire on me.

Then I checked to see what was taking up all the space on my HD.

OH. What's that? Over 10,000 images, and over 10,000 songs? Welp!
That could be it.

Good golly. Looks like I will be spending the next 5 or 6 hours deleting songs now that I have my images down to 4,000.

2011-08-14T15:59:00.001-07:00

making this tomorrow!

2011-08-13T20:05:00.001-07:00

cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even..

2011-08-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

having a really hard day.

2011-08-11T18:03:00.001-07:00

You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.

— Elizabeth Taylor 

2011-08-11T17:55:00.000-07:00

2011-08-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

“At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.”

Suddenly Last Summer

2011-08-10T21:14:00.001-07:00

2011-08-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Caitie, you are the BEST.

2011-08-04T22:17:00.001-07:00

dear friends, with the most love..

2011-07-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

Okay. I know I get a lot of grief about "ditching" on people, or not wanting to do anything. But I need to get this out.

Please, for a second realize that the majority of the past 3 years in my life have been absolute hell. From my dad dying, my mom having a heart attack the same day, to shattering my ankle and dealing with a major breakup at the same time, to being so sick i couldn't get out of bed all of last summer. and then intermingled with all of that, finding out that my mom has cancer.

i am an only child. a lot of the stress falls on my shoulders only.

between dealing with my emotions about everything, trying to stay available to my relationship, trying not to lose my mind in depression, and somehow trying to take care of 4 animals at any given time,..i am run, the fuck, out. zero energy left. nothing. basically a zombie.

i have had little to no personal time, to sit and think about my thoughts. and even though i haven't been working full time, please don't let that fool you into thinking i'm doing nothing but sitting online and fucking around.

i have to MAKE time for fun, just like the rest of you. but right now, finding out my mother is dying, i need space. i need me time. i need time to just sit and come to grips with the fact that i will probably have to watch her suffer. i will probably be there when she dies. and i will have no one to go to anymore. i will not have parents, and i do not have siblings. this is entirely overwhelming. i am not doing good right now, so please - PLEASE - don't make it any worse by trying to guilt trip me because i just want to sit alone and feel some sense of relaxation. even if i don't answer a text. it is NOTHING personal. i just can't. i am either going through emotional shit where i need to feel disconnected from everything at the moment. or i am sleeping because my body is so tired from all the mental strain. i know it takes two seconds, but please realize, when you are running on empty - even the two seconds is a major effort. i'm using any energy i have to try and have a brave face about stuff, and be there for my mom, or to even try to live a semblance of a normal life.

i'm out with my boyfriend because he lets me cry about things, he doesn't judge me or make me feel bad. and you guys probably wouldn't either. but, i don't want to be sad in front of everyone. so please just take it easy on me. give me a bit of a break for being an absent friend or a flake. i'm on my last shred of sanity here, and i'm struggling not to just give up.

i know everyone goes through equally hard times. i know life isn't easy.
we just need to all recognize that, and be easy and non critical of one another.

we are ALL doing the best we can. so let's be sympathetic of each others path through life, and try to not add just one more bit of pressure, or guilt.

i love every single one of my friends. i am so grateful that the people in my life, ARE in my life. but please remember, just because i am not physically with you all the time, and may not be for a while - i still love you, and i still care.

no more ranting. sorry.

2011-07-26T23:10:00.001-07:00

2011-07-26T23:02:00.001-07:00

i need a real career. help!

2011-07-20T17:15:00.001-07:00

i would just like to be pretty and skinny, and have things not turn to shit.

IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK!? Blaarghargahgrha.

That being said, it is nice to be home. What a month...

2011-06-14T21:56:00.001-07:00

“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.” ~Louis de Bernieres

2011-06-14T21:47:00.001-07:00

a select few i had to deal with today can too.

fml.

2011-06-14T01:12:00.000-07:00

For those who are not lucky enough to know my boyfriend - I should probably explain a bit about him before I start in on this whole business...
My boyfriend is seriously the most wonderful guy. But he is weird. Endearingly weird. My best friend says on a regular basis that she loves him like a retarded brother. (Which is appropriate because she's dating my boyfriends brother.) He is one of those people who can have you in tears laughing just by being himself. He's one of the most naturally funny people I have ever come across, and his weirdness only makes him better. He always has these random stories about his childhood that come out of nowhere - absolutely nowhere, but they will always have you doubled over by the time he's done recounting them.

I've decided to start illustrating some of his best stories in what can only be described as "Hyperbole & a Half" style. I'm not trying to claim the style as my own, mainly because I started to make these as something special for him and my friends to share.

I will start with the latest story he told me - adding words and the final scenes tomorrow. This is just kind of a sneak peek. I hope everyone else enjoys these as much as I do.

conclusion tomorrow!

The T.S. Eliot/John Gardner Exercise:

2011-06-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

"Dirty water from the gutter pooled into the cracks and fell soundlessly into the storm drain by his feet. Kicking slightly at it, the dampness crept in through the sole of his brown leather work shoe. He hadn’t realized he was touching the water until almost the entirety of his sock was wet. In-fact, he hadn’t noticed much of anything that didn’t feel like a thick fog draping over his existence. Everything moved in slow motion. The people that sat around him mindlessly chattered about the weather, (grey), the sports game tonight, (a final game by the sound of it). None of it mattered. They couldn’t even fathom how little any of it mattered anymore. His eyes glazed over at the stop sign, colors becoming a blur. He could not even put in the effort to refocus them. Any attempt to see the world as a normal place, a kind place, was lost to him now. Even as the sun briefly broke through the clouds, and cast a warm glow, he remained numb. Floating in what seemed like another time.

Suddenly a small child clutching his fathers hand approached the bus stop, breaking his trance. As the man turned and gazed down at the small boy, who looked at him and smiled like only young boys do, the child laughed boisterously, and buried his head into his fathers side. The man’s legs buckled beneath him, and he cried out, cursing whomever lie beyond this world."

What I've just done is;

The T.S. Eliot/John Gardner Killer Exercise: This exercise is quite possibly the most difficult, demanding and important exercise a writer can ever do. The poet and critic, T. S. Eliot, coined the phrase "objective correlative" to designate what he believed was the most important element in writing: Rendering the description of an object so that the emotional state of the character from whose point of view we receive the description is revealed WITHOUT ever telling the reader what that emotional state is or what has motivated it.

The late John Gardner, recognized in his lifetime as the leading creative writing teacher in the United States, developed the following exercise for students:

A middle-age man is waiting at a bus stop. He has just learned that his son has died violently. Describe the setting from the man's point of view WITHOUT telling your reader what has happened. How will the street look to this man? What are the sounds? Odors? Colors? That this man will notice? What will his clothes feel like? Write a 250 word description.

I'm back into writing again. Or at least trying to be,..

2011-06-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"I have always imagined that Paradise will be some kind of library."
— Jorge Luis Borges

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
— Marilyn Monroe

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
— Ernest Hemingway

2011-06-07T20:10:00.001-07:00

oh my.

i don't know what to do tonight.

bored.

10 days!

2011-06-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

ten days
10 days
5+5=10 (days)
AH!

bit excited. off to pick up my passport!

2011-06-05T23:13:00.000-07:00

not much to report other than i am happy, and life is good.

busy busy busy busy. but good.

cancun in 11 days. holy crap.

2011-06-01T18:24:00.001-07:00

i don't really know what to do today. i may just jump in the car and drive. listen to the hockey game and just drive. i'm numb.

2011-05-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

it's been such an amazing week. i love how everything has gone. and it really confirms things, for the better. things that i had been fearing and scared of - i know now that i have no need to be looking for the worst.

i'm where i should be and things are happening how they should, and sometimes i need to just relax and realize that god has a plan and that i should just let my anxiety about everything go. i laughed with more truth and loved with more openness than i have, i think...ever.

we can be absolutely silly, gross, immature, and old spirited all at the same time. and when we talked about what we would do if we grew old together and one of us died - tears were instantly in both of our eyes.
without a thought.

i know a lot of the times i just ramble on incoherently here, and that this is probably just another one of those times to the outside viewer. but i really hope that if i ever doubt this love and how utterly true it is - that one of you will slap me upside the damn face and shake me and remind me of the moments when i have never felt more at home in my own skin than these times.
and that i remember how unconditionally - TRULY - unconditionally this man loves me.

he holds his tongue when he probably shouldn't sometimes with me, and he treats me with such love, always.

i just have to remember that love isn't always about things like flowers, and notes, and stereo-typical romancey stuff.
..sometimes it's someone not telling you what a complete cow you're being, and putting up with your bullshit on a fairly regular basis, and still pulling you close and saying, "i love you", and "you're beautiful and smart", without a word of a lie, or a forced sentiment.

i am very lucky and one of these days that needs to really sink in or i will lose the best thing that's ever happened to me.

2011-05-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

easy to forget. easy to put last. easy to brush off.

watch what you're doing.

2011-05-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

trying this whole thing of learning to love myself without makeup on.
(well. with only mascara on. i will never leave the house without that.)

it's harder than i thought. but, this is the summer i start loving myself, and my figure and realize i'm okay.

i'm 50% cute, 50% work

2011-05-19T10:44:00.001-07:00

Looking at fashion while searching for what is missing. You surely won’t find it there. There is this thing about 21st century fashion. It doesn’t exist for human kind anymore. It exists only for it’s own existance. What used to be made to dress people and was made to fit only one persons unique body is now merged to “It only has to look good on the hanger”. Brands pay thin models to wear it so the clothes can fall just like they’re on a hanger and yes the clothes do look beautiful. They are just not made for us anymore.

So turning to fashion when you feel unappreciated for who you are, does that even make sense? We changed our ideals, we lose wheight an unnatural amount of wheight and even change our interests to then finally fit in that Lanvin dress.

I love fashion but it stepped over its boundaries a long time ago.

Fashion doesn’t appreciate us but we yearn for its attention completely forgetting what we are about.

2011-05-19T07:34:00.001-07:00

2011-05-15T10:24:00.001-07:00

whenever i go on a cleanse i become OBSESSED with food. like, can't stop thinking about it, mouth watering want to do nothing but eat obsessed.

i guess that just shows a really large part of me, always wanting what i can't have.

another part that drives me crazy is that i sit here, starving, and i become even more lazy than before. so instead, my stomach just growls and i sit here thinking about all the things i want to eat. it's an endless cycle of laziness/gluttony. ay-yi-yi.

2011-05-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

i'm going to try and bury myself in books and celery sticks until mexico.

i hate living in a different town than my boyfriend. and i hate how it makes me feel. but at least we will have 7 days in the sun, with my best friends/megan and his brother. and it will be an amazing experience.

there is not a whole lot new in my life other than my place, and my level of excitement about my little garden starting to sprout. i like to read more than i like to go out. and i'm in the middle of becoming gluten, wheat and meat free.

now all i need is a full time job and life will be how it should be. minus the whole boyfriend being away/heart hurty thing that it causes. oh well.

2011-05-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

what do i get myself into sometimes? what a night. too drunk to function.

2011-05-09T20:48:00.001-07:00

2011-05-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

i'm SO tired. i haven't stopped moving for two months. haven't had one peaceful night in my new place. it's not even unpacked yet. so today/tonight i have been unpacking, moving, carrying, sweating, dying trying to get this place in order. i have SO many more boxes to bring over from my moms. i just don't know how i'm going to fit it all... the clothes alone take up half my room piled to my chest. and they all need to be washed.
it doesn't end.

when do i get to just sit? sit and not feel guilty about not being up and doing something. i need a serious mental health day. DO. NOTHING.

2011-05-03T13:23:00.001-07:00

2011-04-13T06:33:00.001-07:00